Letter To The ICBR: Evil Empire Book Etc.
At last, England's unspeakable crimes against humanity are revealed in this magnificent book. At first, I thought that mere envy of the English was the motivating force but after reading it, I believe that Mr. Grasse should be awarded a Nobel Prize. Being an American gentleman of French descent, however, he clearly pulled some of his punches when laying it on those *****limeys. Perhaps in a future edition he can expose other examples of England's perfidious ways. For instance he could disclose the truth about:
Cary Grant - What pressures were brought to bear on Hollywool to portray that ugly, graceless Englishman, Archie Leach, into some sort of heartthrob? Did he work for the Royal Family?
Flush toilets - The English introduced this technology in order to deprive untold thousands of night-soil removers of their livelihoods. In Manhattan alone, more than 100,000 jobs could have been saved if the noble American one and two holers had been preserved.
Condoms - This typically English innovation was clearly part of a conspiracy to encourage idle vice around the world, thereby making countries vulnerable for takeover by the Evil Empire. At least their use never caught on in God's Country!
Cricket - How did the limeys manage to get manly Aussies and other empire relics to obsess over this sissy game? The fastest bowlers can barely exceed 105mph which is why fielders try for catches with their bare hands.
David Niven - This limp-wrist only served in WWII front lines to embarrass the great John Wayne who sacrificed his own opportunities to serve in
uniform in order to support the war effort from Hollywood studios.
The Alamo - 17 Englishmen were at the mission. No wonder we lost the battle.
George Washington - How much did the limeys have to bribe him to write to Sally Fairfax describing himself as "a trueborn Englishman"? Adding insult
to injury, he quoted Shakespeare, Mr. Grasse's favorite Tarantino not being born yet.
De Toqueville - How did the limeys get him to describe the Americans of his day as "Englishmen left to their own devices"? With money from the slave trade I'm sure.
War of 1812 - English and Canadian history books have the gall to state that the prime object of the Warhawks in the decision to declare war on Britain, was to take over Canada! They go on to say that Canadian militia and a few redcoats defeated invading American armies in a series of battles! What nerve, how un-American to reinvent history!
The Common Cold -England's location in a rain-sodden archipeligo causes the constant sniffles and colds suffered by the English. Their sneezing and coughing spead germs around the world resulting in the widespead distrees we see today.
American Family Names - What sinister forces enabled the English to bring about the fact that of the top 25 American family names today, 23 are
English - Smith, Johnson, Brown, etc. The others are Spanish. They ignore the fact that we Americans are all carved out of Mt. Rushmore and should have names like Geronimo and Cochise..oops, those are Spanish. The list can go on forever but the main thing is Mr. Grasse should be
nominated for a Nobel Prize, so write your menbers of Congress. The Swedes would have to come up with a new category of course..there is a word for it,
DUMHETER I think it is.
Sincerely, Frank Stokes
ICBR's response to Letter:
Dear Mr. Stokes,
We greatly appreciate your show of support for the International Coalition for British Reparations and Steven A. Grasse’s The Evil Empire. Have you made your way to our website and signed our reparations petition? The site
can be found at http://www.britishreparations.org/. You will also find a variety of interesting news and press coverage stories on our site.
The ICBR would also like to thank you for the myriad of extra examples of British wrongdoings that you included in your letter. If Mr. Grasse is ever inclined to write a sequel to The Evil Empire he will surely weigh the validity and strength of your positions and consider them for inclusion.
As for you insinuation that Mr. Grasse should be nominated for a Nobel Prize in “tomfoolery,” we must insist that you refrain from making such outlandish remarks. If anything, he should be nominated for Nobel Prize in Literature. Again we appreciate your show of support for the International Coalition for
British Reparations.
Sincerely,
The ICBR
YES, I WOULD LIKE TO SIGN THE PETITION AND GET PAID!
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