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International Coalition for British Reparations: People of the World, it's Time to get Paid.

Letter To The ICBR: Re: Greetings from Britain


Dear Colonists,
We are deeply saddened by your attempts to pervert people's minds with your America filth. I shall explain to you why, exactly, you are an imbecile.

"Bad Inventions. Machine guns, slums, prisons, child labor, bad hygiene, the Black Plague, concentration camps, you name it. If it hurts people, the British probably came up with it."

Clearly you have thoroughly researched (that's to look at things in books, which I'm sure you've at least touched) the Black Plague, and the fact it came from Asia. So to be frank, our beautiful spread through Asia was really just retaliation, and you should be thankful. And I do quote:

"In October 1347, a fleet of Genovese trading ships fleeing Caffa reached the port of Messina . By the time the fleet reached Messina, all the crew members were either infected or dead. It is presumed that the ships also carried infected rats and/or fleas. Some ships were found grounded on shorelines, with no one aboard remaining alive. Looting of these lost ships also helped spread the disease. From there, the plague spread to Genoa and Venice by the turn of 1347 to 1348 .

From Italy the disease spread northwest across Europe, striking France , Spain , Portugal and England by June 1348 , then turned and spread east through Germany and Scandinavia from 1348 to 1350 , and finally to north-western Russia in 1351 ; however, the plague largely spared some parts of Europe, including the Kingdom of Poland and parts of Belgium and the Netherlands ." []

So it was actually those utter fools the Italians who delivered death upon us all. But not America, suspiciously. I'm sure you had no hand in that, just as your government has had no hand in many world affairs. (guffaw!)

"Second Iraq War: $282 billion+ (As calculated by Congressional Appropriations. The irrational anger of radical Islam as embodied in Saddam Hussein's rogue state, is the expression of a deep grudge that started with the slaughter's inflicted by the British crown during the Crusades and later, Britain's ruthless treatment of the old Ottoman Empire.)"

I do believe that's your fault for giving them guns. Not everyone needs a gun. You might notice that we in Britain don't need guns, and strangely enough our crime rate is exponentially (look it up) lower than yours.

"But while other totalitarian reigns have been put on trial and forced to make amends, the British crown has maintained its grip on power, and so avoided being called to account for its numerous crimes against humanity."

The royal family hasn't had any power since Queen Victoria died. Instead we have had a brilliant democracy which has upheld and unified the Commonwealth, won World War Two (yes, we know you like to believe it was all your doing. Henry Ford was as much a Nazi as Hitler, GM powered Hitler's mobilisation, and you only joined in on the war when the Japanese attacked you. Who, by the way, showed you a thing or two.) and helped to form the EU, which has done a damn sight better at unifying trading and laws throughout a group of states than the USA has.

"Britain has long controlled our patterns of thought through the modern university, an English invention. They control what we say through their hold over English, the global master language. More recently, they've bought the minds of some of our best and brightest, including numerous top U.S. politicians and public thinkers, through the Rhodes Scholarship, thus insuring that the false innocents of Britain's public image never has to face scrutiny."

I really like this one. We established higher education, and are the source of any and everything that America is. We educated your greatest minds, and now you accuse your best and brightest of being on our side. Doesn't that tell you something? They're the smartest chaps around for a reason, and maybe, just maybe, they're not complete fools.

I bid you good day sir, and I encourage you to better educate yourself on your motherland.

After all, you owe your freedom to the French. And I'd rather be British than owe those no good Europeans a damn thing.

Mr Phineas Britishchap

(Yes, I realise the website is a farce. But hell, we British sure do like to argue!)

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