International Coalition for British Reparations: People of the World, it's Time to get Paid.

Proving that they are indeed the coldest child rearers in the world, a 9-year-old boy was reduced to tears after he was told that he couldn't sail his remote control boat on a pond because it scared the fish.

Apparently, the feelings of fish, an animal that may or may not have a concept of fear, are more important than those of an impressionable 9-year-old. It's sad to see a child of such a tender age be exposed to the cruelty of the real world, but, hey, it's England. The little brat is lucky he's not mining for coal. Sure, he's suffering from a little heartbreak, but that's a heck of a lot better than the black lung.

Won't Somebody Please Think Of The Fish: Toy Boats Banned From Ponds

YES, I WOULD LIKE TO SIGN THE PETITION AND GET PAID!