International Coalition for British Reparations logo
International Coalition for British Reparations: People of the World, it's Time to get Paid.

Briton Can't Handle Sexually-Suggestive Candy Packaging

08.27.2009 - Haribo's MAOAM candy criticised for 'sexual' sweet wrappers

Briton Can't Handle Sexually-Suggestive Candy Packaging

Take a look at the candy packaging above. Notice anything inappropriate? Sure you do, it looks like anthropomorphic fruits getting kinky with each other. We won't argue that it's not entirely appropriate for children, but let's be honest here, kids couldn't care less about the packaging. They just want the artificial goodness inside. While that's not an excuse to put these kinds of images on children's candy, one wouldn't, upon seeing the packaging, become all red faced and livid with anger demanding an explanation from the shop manager. Neither would one's wife be so sensitive and prude that she'd faint at the very site of the carnal packaging.

Of course this is England "The Land of Infinite Prudery" we're talking about here, so of course that's exactly what happened.

Simon Simpkins was shopping for treats for his two children when he spotted the curious candy. "The lime, who I assume to be the gentleman in this coupling, has a particularly lurid expression on his face. I demanded to see the shop manager and, during a heated exchange, my wife became quite distressed and had to sit down in the car park," he said.

Mr. Simpkins, you, sir, are a moron. Not only are you embarrassingly prude, but you're also lacking any semblance of intelligence and rationality. What exactly is the shop manager going to do about the packaging? At best, he would stop carrying the candy, but there are thousands of stores just like his (though likely he would just tell you never to set foot in his store again). Are you telling us that you're going to go to every single candy shop and cry to every manager until Haribo loses all its distribution? Not only is that an impossible feat but you'd also give yourself a stroke trying. We'd tell you to save yourself the medical trauma and write a letter of disapproval to the Haribo company and forward said letter to the Trading Standards Institute, but you're probably too stupid to write. All we can say is we feel bad for your kids. School bullies will never let them forget what you have done. Great job!

Back to News